Tree Rings

A mature tree in a forest can sustain thousands of injuries over the course of a lifetime. In order to “heal” itself, the tree goes through both a chemical and physical process to prevent the spread of disease/bacteria/fungi/decay to the rest of the tree. The chemical process consists of altering the wood surrounding the injury site in order to make it uninhabitable to organisms that can cause decay. The physical process forms a callous that surrounds the wound-site so that new, healthy growth can occur over top of it. If you were to take a cookie-cut out of the tree years later, you’d still be able to see where the wounds have occurred and where the tree has healed itself. This mighty tree is rooted in place. It cannot run away to avoid injury, so it must figure out how to withstand the storm and grow as conditions permit.

Though we as humans are mobile, fleeing the issue doesn’t ever solve the problem. And believe it or not, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

That new house, the new job, the new car, or the wardrobe makeover—it doesn’t fix the problem. Acquiring something new would be like that tree trying to grow bark over the top of an open, infected wound.

Sustainable injuries in the human world can come in all forms. The loss of a loved one, navigating through a new medical diagnosis, physical injuries, depression, anxiety, natural disasters, loss of a job… the list can go on and on. The key is to be sure to heal yourself from the inside out, rather than trying to slap on a metaphorical bandage and ignore the infection beneath.

Let it hurt, and then let it go.

A very normal response to pain is finding any way to numb it, to ignore it, or to flat out deny that it exists. Easy to do in the moment, but detrimental in the long run.

There is a difference between shoving it under the rug and shelving it for later.

Something especially important to differentiate is that you can save a part of the healing process for later, as long as you’re not trying to lock it in the burning filing cabinet from SpongeBob. I find it helpful to literally visualize putting the situation at hand in a box, putting it on a shelf, and labeling it with a date to come back to it. Life happens, and a big part of being able to process through emotions is creating a safe place to do so. If you’ve got a day full of meetings, physical activity, or other circumstances that physically or emotionally exhaust you, you’re not going to be well-equipped to think about the situation with a clear mind. Say you labeled that box for Friday (5 days from now). Do not reassess, until Friday.

Give yourself permission to STOP being dominated by intrusive thoughts.

If you’ve dated that box for five days from today, give yourself permission to utilize your energy in the other areas that require it, until that day. You need to give yourself permission to focus on other things you care about, or else you’ll terrorize yourself with guilt and angst about not coming to a decision or resolution on the bigger problem. If you get to Friday and discover that the last five days have been more exhausting than anticipated, schedule yourself a day for self-care, or if a day is not feasible, block-off a few hours to do whatever you need to do to recover. And then come back to it again in two days. Repeat as necessary until you’re ready to process—but don’t use any and every smaller conflict that comes up as an excuse to never come back to it.

Declutter your living space.

There are few things more chaotic than having both jumbled thoughts and jumbled living quarters. Having a clean and organized living environment clears up mental space and decreases stress and anxiety. If you’re already trying to carry emotional baggage, you don’t need physical clutter to add to the confusion.

Emotions are human, and they don’t make you weak.

I cannot even count the number of times that I watch people wear their tough, emotionless exterior as a badge of honor. Two thumbs pointed right back at myself, because I’m definitely guilty of this too. Yes, there are times that are more appropriate than others to express your emotions, but it is perfectly normal, acceptable, and healthy to express them. It’s okay, to not be okay.

Reach out.

Sometimes, you just can’t reach around enough to scratch your own back. And that’s okay. Make it a priority to establish a support system to lean on when times get tough. (Big shoutout to my own support system these last few months). Your relationships are important and curating them is a must. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and your tribe will always have your back.

Moral of the story—embrace your inner tree. Scars and all, you’re still going to be able to grow, stand tall, and bloom—just give yourself some time.