My First Best Friend

While writing this I was sitting at my kitchen table, pulling my hair out from writer’s block, when I decided to throw on some good old 2010 B.o.B. and immediately became reminiscent of my time snowboarding at the good old Great Bear of Sioux Falls, with my big brother.

I guess you could call this an appreciation… blog? Instead of an appreciation post.

For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to do EVERYTHING that he did. He played football with his friends, I played football… with his friends. He got into snowboarding, I wanted to try it. He got into cars, I decided to try to one-up him when I bought my first car (I won the race, btw). He did cross country and track in high school. I started running and ended up doing a different event in track in high school (after promising our mother that she wouldn’t have to sit at track meets for 8 hours after he graduated… sorry Mom). He moved to California, and started surfing—I visited him in California, bought a skimpy 0 leg wetsuit (guys it’s real cute but does just about nothing when the water temp is 40 degrees in the middle of February) and tried out surfing.

For the longest time, I was probably the most annoying little sister in the entire world. We probably fought like cats and dogs on the outside. But I loved my brother, looked up to him, and wanted to do everything he did because I wanted to be as cool as he was. He always took the best first step and took the machete to the bramble to make sure it was a little bit easier for me to follow. Or he ran it over with a go-cart.

When my high school soccer team made it to state, he surprised me by coming home from college just in time to watch it.

When I turned 21, he came home from across the country to down tequila and Irish-Car-Bombs with me, and then proceed to win me two stuffed animals from the crane game in a truck stop (shout-out to our very tolerant designated driver).

When I needed a 9-hour ride to my PCT drop-off point, he gladly accepted the mission and was the last family member I got to hug before departing.

I’ve had the privilege of getting closer to him as we both grow up. He’s the first person I tell hard things to. He’s the first person I want to visit when I want to run away from my ‘normal’ life. He’s been the first person to accept the new facets of me in my journey to discover my truest self. He taught me how to drive a stick-shift at 10:30pm, after we went to Fast Five in the theater, and I came home claiming that I wanted to be like Mia. He selflessly shared his high school friends with me when I was the lame middle school sibling—we played ultimate frisbee, cruised, went to bonfires—and not once did he make me feel left out or less than.

This year, we had the opportunity to take a cross-country road trip together. We were both going through significant life changes at the time, and I couldn’t imagine a better vacation, nor did I know when or if there would be another opportunity to do something like this, just the two of us. We traveled over 2,000 miles in the car together: bonding over music, screaming break-up songs at the top of our lungs, jamming to EDM and vibin' to the best and most random music we could find. There was comfortable silence and there was intimate conversation and there was everything in between.

It became apparent to me that this person who I thought was the coolest person ever, thought that I was also the coolest person ever. It’s funny, how everyone has such different perspectives.

He would tell his friends that I hiked the PCT, that I cage fight, that I work at a non-profit, and gush over things that were just a part of daily life in my head.

I would starry-eyed rave to my friends that he mountain bikes, races cars, is a design engineer for a bicycle manufacturing company, and is easily the nicest and smartest guy I know.

I only want the best for him. And he only wants the best for me.

Things I’ve learned from my brother:

1. Never forget to take the gas pump out of the car after pumping gas

2. When in doubt, (or you do the above), bow it out

3. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re doing something wrong

4 Hakuna Matata

5. Your truest supporters can be near or far in distance but will always be there when it matters

6. It’s okay to have different beliefs than the people you associate with or care about

7. Other people’s expectations of you are their own problem. Be true to yourself

8. Mental health is important

9. Use a coaster

10. Try new things, even if you think you look stupid doing them. It is not a competition… unless you want it to be a competition

11. Scary things get a little less scary each time you do them

12. It’s okay to fall down

13. It’s okay to remove yourself from a situation that no longer serves you, even if other people don’t understand why

14. If you crash your bike, you should probably continue riding for another 5 miles to make sure you’re okay

15. Don’t tell Mom the go cart story until we are both living on our own. The tree is thriving, that’s all that matters

Thank you for being my first best friend and my forever go-to. I love you brudder.